Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners

When hanging toilet paper, remember beards are cool, mullets are bad.

My goal in life is to have a Wikipedia page written about me. Maybe just a newspaper article. Ok, I'd accept a journal entry.

Today I bought a toilet brush. Long story short, I'm going back to paper.

I ate my exam papers...which means pretty soon I'll pass the test.

My friend escaped jail by wrapping his face with a whole roll of paper towels. Now there's a Bounty on his head.

If we tell people that the brain is an app, maybe they will start using it.