Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners

When I was skinnier, I had a shirt that said I could talk to dead people. I can't wear it anymore because I'm no longer a medium.

I am pretty sure I only need one more bad decision and I will have a whole set.

Our child has a great deal of willpower—and even more won't power.

I'm not immature I just know how to have fun more than you do.

I get kids so confused when I tell them I am older than the internet.

The only thing I hate more than having a dirty house is cleaning.