Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners

Why are ghosts always bad liars? Because you can see right through them.

I never use a napkin on my lap at a restaurant because I believe in myself.

Whatever you're doing, always give 100%. Unless you're donating blood.

When I was skinnier, I had a shirt that said I could talk to dead people. I can't wear it anymore because I'm no longer a medium.

Sundays are always a little sad, but.. the day before is a sadder day.

My body just asked for water and I gave it a mini donut because nobody tells me what to do.