Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners

I caught my wife cheating last night. Last time I play cards with her.

Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us to walk and talk and the rest of it telling us to sit down and shut up.

Some people know the rules for playing the game Battleship and some people don't. It's pretty much hit or miss.

My wife told me to choose between her and my cigar collection. I'm really going to miss her.

I threw a boomerang a couple years ago; I now live in constant fear.

My wife thinks I have a hard time verbalizing my emotions. Can't say I'm surprised.