Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners

I really wish there was some kind of signal drivers could use on their car to notify other drivers that they're turning.

When I was skinnier, I had a shirt that said I could talk to dead people. I can't wear it anymore because I'm no longer a medium.

I wanted to learn how to drive a stick shift, but I couldn't find a manual.

You come from dust and return to dust. That's why I don't dust. It could be someone I know.

Alexa, cancel Monday.

I could have been a monk, but I missed my chants.