Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners

No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.

I live by my own rules... that my wife has reviewed, revised and then approved. BUT STILL MY OWN RULES!!!!

Someone stole my bike, so I called the police, and they found the thief. He was arrested for peddling stolen goods.

Just between you and me, I think "everything" bagels are making a lot of promises they can't keep.

Egg salad is still chicken salad when you think about it.

Whoever determined a 1-inch candy bar should be called "fun sized" should really re-evaluate their standards for entertainment.