Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners

Someone stole my coffee cup. Now I have to go the police station and look at mugshots.

My house looks like I'm losing a game of Jumanji.

Whenever I try to eat healthy, a chocolate bar looks at me and snickers.

"Latte" is Latin for: You paid too much for that coffee.

Apparently I've been doing this "coffee" thing wrong. It wakes you up way faster if you accidentally knock it over into your lap.

Is a rivalry between two vegetarians still called a beef?