Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners

Apparently I've been doing this "coffee" thing wrong. It wakes you up way faster if you accidentally knock it over into your lap.

A new study reveals that listening to Queen might be bad for your health. This is due to unusually high mercury content.

Please don't make my funeral too early. I'm not really a mourning person.

The early bird can have the worm because worms are gross and mornings are stupid.

I went bald early in life but I still kept a comb. I just can't part with it.

It might be called social media, but all I do is share photos and ignore people.