Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners

Whenever I try to eat healthy, a chocolate bar looks at me and snickers.

It's sad how some stick figures get stuck working the hangman game, while others get to have nice families on the back of SUVs.

A clean house is a sign of a wasted life. At least, that's what I tell myself.

I hate housework. You make the beds, you do the dishes – and six months later you have to start all over again.

Threw a ball for my dog. Extravagant I know, but he looks great in a tuxedo.

Some people know the rules for playing the game Battleship and some people don't. It's pretty much hit or miss.