Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners

It's bad enough when the little voices in my head talk to me. But now they are texting.

Corduroy pillows are making headlines.

Some people think I am going crazy. The joke is on them. I went there years ago, fell in love with the place and decided to stay.

My friend escaped jail by wrapping his face with a whole roll of paper towels. Now there's a Bounty on his head.

I don't know Karate, but I know CRAZY and I’m not afraid to use it.

Psychology — Even trying to spell it correctly screws with your head.