Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners

The best part of going to work is coming home at the end of the day.

Why don't we wait for life on other planets to find us? Why do we have to do all the work?

Most bald people still own a comb. They just can't part with it.

Not to brag, but my antics at work resulted in several items being added to the employee manual.

If something's not going right, try left.

Today is the first day of the rest of your life, and if that doesn't work out, tomorrow is the first day of the rest of your life.