Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners

If money doesn't grow on trees, why do banks have branches?

When I was skinnier, I had a shirt that said I could talk to dead people. I can't wear it anymore because I'm no longer a medium.

Diet tip: Your pants will never get too tight if you don't wear any.

Are you supposed to wear the fanny pack over the gut or underneath it? I don't want to look like a dork.

Every cattle ranch has a unique symbol to mark their cows with. It's their brand name.

People are out mountain climbing, and zip-lining, and I'm just happy I got my leg through my underwear without falling over.