Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners

Why does it take 5-7 business days to refund my money? It took you 5-7 seconds to take it from my account.

When a cashier told me, "Strip down, facing me." How was I supposed to know she meant my credit card?

I bought a bottle of shampoo which promised to increase volume. I poured some in my ear and if anything, it did the opposite.

Adults are just kids with money.

My wife told me to choose between her and my cigar collection. I'm really going to miss her.

I like my money right where I can see it: hanging in my closet.