Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners

Strange new trend at the office. People are putting names on food in the fridge. Today I had a tuna sandwich named Linda.

If da Vinci were alive today, the "Mona Lisa" would have been called "IMG-20121020-00463.jpg"

Today everyone wants instant gratification, no matter how long it takes.

Today is the first day of the rest of your life, and if that doesn't work out, tomorrow is the first day of the rest of your life.

They really need to stock ATMs better. I went to 4 of them today and they all said "insufficient funds."

Apparently I've been doing this "coffee" thing wrong. It wakes you up way faster if you accidentally knock it over into your lap.