Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners

I've heard that you can now print a gun with a 3D printer, but I am not really impressed. I've had a Canon printer for years.

What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo? A hippo is really heavy, and a Zippo is a little lighter.

Having one child makes you a parent; Having two you are a referee.

Expecting the unexpected makes the unexpected expected.

When I procrastinate, current me really expects a lot out of future me.

If my psychiatrist said "There's really nothing more I can do for you", that means I'm cured right?