Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners

It's almost October, which means all of the cobwebs and dust in my house will soon become Halloween decorations.

Did I 'kill a plant" or did the plant not have what it takes to thrive in this fast-paced environment?

It's September. Time to pick out a Halloween costume and start your Christmas shopping. Happy New Year, everybody.

What if oxygen is poisonous and just takes about 80 years to kill us?

I grew up living paycheck to paycheck, but through hard work and perseverance, I now live direct deposit to direct deposit.

I got 47 happy birthday posts on Facebook and zero actual phone calls. Living the dream.