Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners

One day I am going to make the onions cry.

After careful consideration, manufacturers are not going to make yardsticks any longer.

I can't find a good time machine anywhere. They just don't make them like they're going to.

If you’re going to be two-faced, at least make one of them pretty.

Some people think I am going crazy. The joke is on them. I went there years ago, fell in love with the place and decided to stay.

Please don't make my funeral too early. I'm not really a mourning person.