Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners

If Life gives you lemons, add vodka.

A clean house is a sign of a wasted life. At least, that's what I tell myself.

I'm old enough to remember when apparently the worst thing life could hand you was lemons.

My whole life consists of wondering whether or not to make the sarcastic comment.

Just when I discovered the meaning of life, they changed it.

Doctor: "I'd like to talk to you about your weight." Me: "Well, it was 25 minutes, but at least the chairs were comfortable."