Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners

Everything will kill you, so choose something fun.

Just between you and me, I think "everything" bagels are making a lot of promises they can't keep.

God created the world. Everything else is made in China.

Some people think I am going crazy. The joke is on them. I went there years ago, fell in love with the place and decided to stay.

When hanging toilet paper, remember beards are cool, mullets are bad.

Remember, if you can't say something nice, make it funny.