Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners

My patience is like my data plan. Running dangerously low.

Hippos can run faster than humans on land, and swim faster in water. This means the bicycle is your only chance at beating a hippo in a triathlon.

I am pretty sure I only need one more bad decision and I will have a whole set.

If you think things can't get worse, it's probably only because you lack sufficient imagination.

I'm like an avocado: I'm only pleasant for a short period of time, and it's up to you to figure out when that is.

I'm only responsible for what I say, not for what you understand.