Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners

The only running I do is running out of patience.

Don't worry. If Plan A doesn’t work, there are 25 more letters in the alphabet.

I asked a flight attendant how often planes crash. She said "usually just once"

I put my phone in airplane mode and now it calls me Shirley.

I have a five-year plan: figure out a plan in five years.

In reality, plants are actually farming us, by giving us oxygen daily, until we eventually decompose, so they can consume us.