Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners

I really wish there was some kind of signal drivers could use on their car to notify other drivers that they're turning.

When I was skinnier, I had a shirt that said I could talk to dead people. I can't wear it anymore because I'm no longer a medium.

Sarcasm helps keep people from understanding you're saying what you really think of them.

Don't you wish they made a clap-on clap-off device for some people's mouths?

People often mistake me for being a good listener. The truth is, I really just don’t want to talk.

I wish I could be socially awkward for one day. Being socially awkward every day sucks.