Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners

I really wish there was some kind of signal drivers could use on their car to notify other drivers that they're turning.

I wish I could mute people in real life.

When I was skinnier, I had a shirt that said I could talk to dead people. I can't wear it anymore because I'm no longer a medium.

Being cremated is my last hope for a smoking hot body.

To be successful in life, have these: backbone, wishbone, and a funny bone.

I wanted to learn how to drive a stick shift, but I couldn't find a manual.