Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners

People say "I hate to bother you." Maybe they should learn how to hate it a little bit more.

I'm now at the age where if I see a nice nursing home, I make a mental note of it.

Sometimes when I close my eyes, I can't see.

It's sad how some stick figures get stuck working the hangman game, while others get to have nice families on the back of SUVs.

I am writing a book about all the things I should be doing in my life. It's an oughtobiography.

I think the Discovery Channel should be on a different channel every day. To be discovered.