Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners

I'm really good at stuff until people watch me do that stuff.

Good morning people of my country. Tell me, what are we offended by today?

People often mistake me for being a good listener. The truth is, I really just don’t want to talk.

I always second guess myself at a checkout line when the cashier asks "did you find everything?". Why are you hiding stuff?

Advice needs a good listener.

People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day.