Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners

In my life I've cut down 173 trees. I know because each time I keep a log.

Do you know why we don't eat clowns? Because they taste funny.

I've learned to trust my gut. It may hang over my pants a little, but it still knows things.

I hate when homeless people shake their cup of coins at me. It's like yeah, I know you have more money than me — no need to rub it in.

You know you're broke when your bank flags deposits as suspicious activity.

I am not a vegetarian because I love animals. I am a vegetarian because I hate plants.