Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners

Strange new trend at the office. People are putting names on food in the fridge. Today I had a tuna sandwich named Linda.

My job is definitely secure. No one else wants it.

I was going to tell a joke about time travel but nobody laughed.

I sent that 'Ancestry' site some info on my family tree. They sent me back a pack of seeds and suggested that I just start over.

God created the world. Everything else is made in China.

I'm on a seafood diet. If I see food, I eat it.