Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners

I was going to tell you a joke about butter, but I'm afraid you might spread it around.

Sometimes I think the surest sign that intelligent life exists in the universe is that none of it has tried to contact us.

Some people think I am going crazy. The joke is on them. I went there years ago, fell in love with the place and decided to stay.

I was going to post a joke about sodium... But Na.

Ice is just water going through a hard time.

I can't find a good time machine anywhere. They just don't make them like they're going to.