Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners

I told my computer I needed a break, and now it won't stop sending me vacation ads.

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More silly statuses for social media you might enjoy

After dinner last night my wife asked me if I could clear the table. I needed a running start, but I made it!

I told my plants a joke and now the fern is looking at me weird.

Is it just me or when you turn off the computer by holding down the power button, it feels like I’m choking it to death.

I just got fired from my job at the keyboard factory. They told me I wasn't putting in enough shifts.

I've stopped drinking for good. I only drink for evil now.

I told a joke in my Zoom meeting today. It wasn't even remotely funny.

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