Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners

Teacher: I have 5 bottles in one hand and 4 in the other. What do I have in total?
Student: A drinking problem.

We never really grow up. We only learn how to act in public.

The problem with the rat race is that even if you win, you are still a rat.

I've stopped drinking for good. I only drink for evil now.

Whoever determined a 1-inch candy bar should be called "fun sized" should really re-evaluate their standards for entertainment.

I really wish there was some kind of signal drivers could use on their car to notify other drivers that they're turning.