Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners

I will be thoroughly disappointed if the first human born on Mars isn't named Marvin.

Today is the first day of the rest of your life, and if that doesn't work out, tomorrow is the first day of the rest of your life.

A penny for your thoughts seems a bit pricey.

If at first, you don't succeed, destroy any evidence that you ever tried.

Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us to walk and talk and the rest of it telling us to sit down and shut up.

I've just released my own fragrance. But nobody on this bus seems to like it.