Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners

If you see me talking to myself, I'm having a staff meeting.

If you see me talking to myself, just move along. I'm self-employed and having a staff meeting.

When I was skinnier, I had a shirt that said I could talk to dead people. I can't wear it anymore because I'm no longer a medium.

When I find it, I don't need it. When I need it, I can't find it.

I am pretty sure I only need one more bad decision and I will have a whole set.

Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us to walk and talk and the rest of it telling us to sit down and shut up.