Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners

I bought a bottle of shampoo which promised to increase volume. I poured some in my ear and if anything, it did the opposite.

Of course I talk to myself. Sometimes I need expert advice.

To the person who stole my glasses - I will find you, I have contacts.

Some people think I am going crazy. The joke is on them. I went there years ago, fell in love with the place and decided to stay.

You should use glasses to do math. It improves division

Remember, if you can't say something nice, make it funny.