Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners

I grew up living paycheck to paycheck, but through hard work and perseverance, I now live direct deposit to direct deposit.

Someone has been stealing the wheels of police cars. Police are working tirelessly to catch them.

The chicken went to the gym to work on his pecks.

The best part of going to work is coming home at the end of the day.

Don't worry. If Plan A doesn’t work, there are 25 more letters in the alphabet.

I'm not antisocial, I'm just selectively social.