Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners

I stayed up all night wondering where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.

I can worry about more than one thing at once. It's called multitasking.

I once had an argument with a pen. It came to a draw.

Imagine if Americans switched from pounds to kilograms overnight. There would be mass confusion.

It's sad how some stick figures get stuck working the hangman game, while others get to have nice families on the back of SUVs.

I caught my wife cheating last night. Last time I play cards with her.