Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners

Are you supposed to wear the fanny pack over the gut or underneath it? I don't want to look like a dork.

I hate when homeless people shake their cup of coins at me. It's like yeah, I know you have more money than me — no need to rub it in.

It's not a hangover, it's wine flu.

‪I've done terrible things for money. Like getting up early to go to work. ‬

I lost my job at the bank on my first day. A woman asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.

I'm not doing well in my reverse origami class. I'll let you know how it unfolds.