Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners

I really want to work so hard. But being lazy is much more fun.

"I ran a half marathon" sounds so much better than "I quit halfway through a marathon."

Running is the best way to remind yourself how much you love sitting.

I really want to start a new diet, but I've got too much on my plate right now.

I know I don't have to be sarcastic, but the world has given me so much material to work with. I would hate to be wasteful.

I don't care how much you like the soap. Never leave a public restroom smelling your fingers.