Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners

Turns out you can buy a Birthday cake anytime you want and eat it. Nobody checks.

I lost the volume control knob on my antique radio. I keep checking the Lost and Found to see if anything turns up.

I always second guess myself at a checkout line when the cashier asks "did you find everything?". Why are you hiding stuff?

Whenever I feel all alone in the world, I remind myself that I'm a valued customer at several grocery stores.

Couch potatoes should occasionally check under their cushions. You never know what might turnip!

I lost my job at the bank on my first day. A woman asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.