Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners

I'll take "inflation" for 400 billion dollars, Alex.

Always remember to the change the oil in your time machine once every 6 months or 3,000 years.

I threw a boomerang a couple years ago; I now live in constant fear.

Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut-up.

My New Years resolution this year was to lose 10 pounds. I am happy with my progress. Only 12 more pounds to go!

After 100 years on the bottom of the ocean, divers were amazed to find the Titanic's pool was still full.