Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners

I'm like an avocado: I'm only pleasant for a short period of time, and it's up to you to figure out when that is.

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More silly statuses for social media you might enjoy

I'm only responsible for what I say, not for what you understand.
The only thing I hate more than having a dirty house is cleaning.
It is only called a gambling problem if you are losing.
I hired a handy man and gave him a list. When I got home, only #1, 3, 5, 7 & 9 were done. Turns out he only does odd jobs.
Math: The only subject that counts
When I was young we were so poor, we sometimes only had bits of old rope to eat... I would often skip lunch
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