Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners

I just quit cold turkey. It's fine, warm turkey tastes better anyway.

I'm old enough to know better, but silly enough to still think I can do it anyway.

"I ran a half marathon" sounds so much better than "I quit halfway through a marathon."

I hate when homeless people shake their cup of coins at me. It's like yeah, I know you have more money than me — no need to rub it in.

It's okay if you don't like me. Not everyone has good taste.

Some people should consider having multiple Facebook accounts to go along with their multiple personalities.