Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners

It is ironic and sad how a group of squid is not called a squad.

Just ordered a Fitbit and my bank called to see if my card was stolen.

When they call my name at the doctor’s office, I like to run through the waiting room like I got called on The Price is Right.

If da Vinci were alive today, the "Mona Lisa" would have been called "IMG-20121020-00463.jpg"

Me and my friends are in a band called "Duvet". We're a cover band.

I was in the middle of the corn maze and it felt like I was being stalked.