Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners

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The first five days after the weekend are the hardest.
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I would like to officially declare Mondays as optional.
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Tried to donate blood today. They had way too many questions about where I got it.
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I childproofed my house but they still get in.
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A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.
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I'm in shape. Round is a shape.
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My Monday motivation left a note. It said 'good luck' and disappeared.
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I'm not aging. I'm marinating.
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My son put together a PowerPoint presentation about why we should go to the waterpark this weekend. It had several slides.
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Be the light you wish to see in the world.
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