Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners
It's almost October, which means all of the cobwebs and dust in my house will soon become Halloween decorations.
I hate it when I'm singing a song, and the artist gets the words wrong.
Just burned 2,000 calories. That's the last time I'll forget the brownies in the oven.
I kinda wish Dolly Parton sang 10 to 2 instead.
Humans are 75% water - basically cucumbers with anxiety.
Brain: I can see you’re trying to sleep. Can I offer a selection of your worst memories?
Everyone I know is a 'snack getting stuck in a vending machine' away from total collapse.
The trash gets picked up tomorrow. Be ready.
It might be called social media, but all I do is share photos and ignore people.
I'm like an avocado: I'm only pleasant for a short period of time, and it's up to you to figure out when that is.