Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners

I don't care how much you like the soap. Never leave a public restroom smelling your fingers.

NASA is launching a satellite to say sorry to the extraterrestrials. They're calling it the Apollo G.

When they call my name at the doctor’s office, I like to run through the waiting room like I got called on The Price is Right.

Tablets were replaced by scrolls. Scrolls were replaced by books. Now we scroll through books on tablets.

I said I was good at making decisions. I didn't say the decisions I made were good.

If da Vinci were alive today, the "Mona Lisa" would have been called "IMG-20121020-00463.jpg"