Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners

When a cashier told me, "Strip down, facing me." How was I supposed to know she meant my credit card?

My brain says "go to the gym," but my bed says "stay right here."

A recent announcement says half of all vehicles will be electric in ten years. My questions is "Which half? Front or Back?"

Confucius says: He who sleeps like a baby does not have one.

My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance. We'll see about that.

A fact of life: After Monday and Tuesday even the calendar says W T F.