Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners

That awkward moment when a Zombie is looking for brains and it walks right past you...

If my psychiatrist said "There's really nothing more I can do for you", that means I'm cured right?

Some people think I am going crazy. The joke is on them. I went there years ago, fell in love with the place and decided to stay.

North America...where your credit score says you can't afford to pay a $700 mortgage so you pay $1200 rent

I like my money right where I can see it: hanging in my closet.

I once stayed up all night trying to figure out where the sun went... then it dawned on me.