Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners

Did you hear the latest scandal? Pythagoras was caught in a love triangle

I heard the best way to release emotion is to write letters to the people and burn them. What do I do with the letters?

I always second guess myself at a checkout line when the cashier asks "did you find everything?". Why are you hiding stuff?

The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades.

My doctor told me I’m going deaf. The news was hard for me to hear...

If a tree falls in the forest and nobody hears, my illegal logging business is a success.