Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners

If something's not going right, try left.

I'm mature, but not mature-mature. For example I still use "righty tighty, lefty loosey" to figure shit out.

I just changed my relationship status from "left hand" to "right hand"…

I don't know how the law of averages works, but you'd think after 20yrs of marriage I'd be right at least once.

When they call my name at the doctor’s office, I like to run through the waiting room like I got called on The Price is Right.

Everyone has the right to be dumb. Some people abuse that privilege.