Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners

You can't believe everything you hear—but you can repeat it.

Some people know the rules for playing the game Battleship and some people don't. It's pretty much hit or miss.

Everyone I know is a 'snack getting stuck in a vending machine' away from total collapse.

Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.

I always second guess myself at a checkout line when the cashier asks "did you find everything?". Why are you hiding stuff?

People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day.