Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners

I wanted to give my Uber driver advice instead of cash,
but that wouldn't be fare.

I learn from the mistakes of people who took my advice.

Remember -- it may be illegal to text and drive... but you can still lawfully handwrite someone a heartfelt letter at 50 km/h.

I just got fired from my job at the keyboard factory. They told me I wasn't putting in enough shifts.

People say "I hate to bother you." Maybe they should learn how to hate it a little bit more.

We never really grow up. We only learn how to act in public.